To that woman... ... ...! Set yourself free, you are the only one holding yourself prisoner

Have you got a secret that you have been keeping for almost all your life??? Do you feel that for as long as you don’t tell anyone/nobody knows about it, you are safe? Safe from humiliation? Safe from hurting? Safe from being blamed? Safe from being told that you deserve it?

No, no you are not safe. As long as you think about it, as long as it haunts you and as long as you cry yourself to sleep every night, you are not safe but your perpetrator is.

A lot of women give too much power to their perpetrators, they keep quite but inside they are dying of hurt and anger.  On the other hand however while you keeping, the perpetrator could not care less, the aim is on the next prey and by the time they are on the third victim, they have forgotten about you, but with you...their image and the events of the incident are the only things that play on your mind.

 So many misfortunes happen to women almost everyday and every hour.

When I was young, very young... I was almost raped, twice. First incident I was scared to tell because I was scared of what the guy might do to me when he saw me and my dad was not there to fight for me but my cousin brother told me that he was going to tell if I didn’t and he really did, I don’t remember what happened after but the matter was in my fathers’ hands, Second time my mother walked in just when the perpetrator was unbuttoning my trousers, being a single parent and being the only child that my mother ever had, when my mother was done with the man, he was half dead and half alive but more dead than alive.

Both of these incidents, someone has come to my rescue but unfortunately for some women, no one came to their rescue as a result they end up feeling hopeless and believing that they most probably deserved it. That is where you are wrong, you are so wrong... no one deserves that kind of ordeal. By being silent, you are setting your perpetrator free, you are giving him the power and the strength to continue doing the exact thing to many more women.

I know a case where a young girl was raped by an uncle, the girl never told anyone about the horrific experience. Later on in life, the young woman has grown up, gotten married and had children and one of her daughters got raped by the same perpetrator, only then did she open up about what happened to her. You see it took her daughters’ innocence being taken away in the same horrific manner in order for her to speak up. Did she have to wait that long? No, had she spoken sooner, her daughter would never have had to endure what she did.

 I know that if my brother had not told my father about what almost happened to me, maybe I too would never have told. Sometimes victims keep quite because they think and feel that its safer, but it isn’t, it is rather selfish and dangerous not only to thine self but to the next victim and the other.

 Rape is not the only misfortune that women face, some women are forced into prostitution, into abortion, into marriage with older men for money, children... young girls and boys are being molested, there is child pornography etc

Let me tell you this, if you are a woman who has had to endure one of the above or worse, it was not your fault, you did not ask for it nor did you audition for it but keeping quiet about is not helping either.

You feel weak, bruised and defeated. You are not, you are a victor for you have risen above your circumstance, you are still alive, and you did not kill yourself after your incident. A wise person once said “ God gives his toughest battles to his strongest and trusted soldiers” you are stronger than you think and believe it or not God knew that you would make it through. See, its unfortunate that these things happen but since they are happening God wants strong soldiers who are going to strengthen the weaker ones, one person might not be able to speak and strengthen others through their experiences but a few will and I am one of them.

You have kept quiet for a long time and your perpetrator has passed on but what happened still haunts you, do yourself a favour and speak to someone, find help, go for counselling, talk to someone that you trust.

 I pray that people realise that we live in a different era, an era where women are no longer silenced, where woman are protesting to be heard, where if you strike a woman, you strike a rock, where if  you touch one woman, you touch all and they revenge with fury. We have women in high courts sentencing these molesters, rapists and murderers, we have social workers and police women and so many more people to help us fight, and so really, keeping quite is not fair.

Phakama Mfazi, Phakamani Bo sisi, phakamani zintombi nithethe, usana olungakhaliliyo lufela embelekweni. Nceda mna, ndincede omnye sincedaneni... Sisonke singabalwa abahlukumezi